The Master

As I cannot be beaten in villainy by a mere Dalek, I have taken this pathetic 'meme' or whatever the feeble word is, and proven beyond doubt that I am truly evil.

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In November on a flight to Colorado Springs, I stole the emergency flight information card (-40 points). Last Saturday barbarella69 and I donated clothes to the needy (11 points). In February I committed genocide... Sorry about that, tegan_lj (-5000 points). In March I farted in an elevator (-6 points). In May I broke evelyn_smythe's X-Box (-12 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-5047 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal! Sincerely, master_13

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Oh. Umm. I am the Master and you will obey me... you will forget about the clothes... and the fart. Time Lords certainly do not fart. Especially not ones of such diabolical ingenuity like myself.

Plans for universal domination going well. Have contacted 3 different groups of hostile aliens and all have expressed interest in destroying Earth, which is of course the first step in my plan because lots of humans have laughed at my beard.

However, my TARDIS has been misbehaving. She's been socialising too much with my other selves' Portaloo, and has taken to playing the most inane songs over and over while I'm trying to plot. I have had to speak quite sternly to her, which makes her sulk and take me to McDonalds when I'm trying to get to the evil planet of Tomiled 4.

*TARDIS materialization sounds*

Ah, it seems that I have finally made it. My apologies for being so late, I was making alliances with aliens more powerful than you can comprehend and enticing them to come destroy this puny planet Earth. So actually, I haven't been doing anything new or unusual.

Never mind, I will soon destroy the Doctors and this planet and will hypnotize the better-looking 'companions' into my mindless slaves.

But I think I will have lunch first.